Go on, watch me do me.

The desire to write a blog entry only lasts a few short moments for me. By the time I've had the thought that sparked my mind and gotten to my computer or even to the proper website, the desire and motivation is usually gone; or even the thought itself in many cases.

I have only a handful of I even maintain a blog. The main reason being to attempt at shedding the smallest bit of light into the world that is me. I'm a man who fears failure like nothing else. Having someone read something I've written about something I've done and relate to my experience, if only in the slightest manner, is an incredible feeling for me. To know my failures have been shared by others is something that gives me great comfort. I certainly am not saying I feel glad when others fail, but knowing that I am not the first to fail at any given opportunity makes life that much easier.

The second reason I blog is an attempt to "put myself out there." What the junk does that even mean, "Putting yourself out there?" To me it means releasing my thoughts in a form that is so impersonal that it doesn't feel like anyone can read it, when in reality almost the entire world has access to reading this. This all ties in with my fears and my hope that I'm not alone. I love the thought that someone in Canada or Australia or even someone I know well, but have no idea they're reading, is reading this and nodding their head in agreement or appreciation of something I've said.

The third reason is an ever longing attempt to be good at things. I've become very much aware of my lack of self-awareness concerning my strengths since I've moved to Nashville. Having job interviews sporadically and three managers constantly analyzing me has forced me to dissect myself like I never had done before. School came easy to me so I never had to figure out what any problems I might have been having were and work through them. Working at my previous job came easy to me, thus I never had to figure many things out. I'll be the first to admit I am not very good at doing the job that I am paid to do. But I'll also be the first to admit that I am the best at doing the things at my job that I do not get paid to do. Writing a blog may not make me any money (that would be great if it did though), but I think I am good at it. I like to think I am a good writer. Blogging is the only writing I have ever done outside of very simple high school projects. I read very little and honestly, as I said earlier, only enjoy blogging for those first moments when the thought crosses my mind.

I have no idea where I'm going with this. I guess this is my introduction of myself to the blogging world. I hope to continue blogging and I hope that my blogging does make a difference somehow to someone.

As far as future blogs are concerned, I have no idea what is going to come next. I really do put a lot of pressure on myself to make these great. Somewhere down the road I'd like to write a book of stories and experiences throughout my life. I have this thought that I should just blog a chapter a month or something and then put it all together to see how it feels. Who knows where that thought is going to go. Hopefully it stays with me longer than the thought to blog.

I'm good at staying up later than I should,
B