As we were eating last night, my friend Zach told me he wanted us to go around and say what we were thankful for. I responded with a, "Really?," that probably wasn't as nice as it should have been, but the thought of doing this hadn't even crossed my mind. As someone who doesn't like attention or talking in front of people, I immediately got a little nervous that this might actually happen. I also started thinking about what I might say I was most thankful for.
It didn't take me long to know what I was thankful for. As I looked across the room at 12 friends sharing a meal together, I knew that those 11 people were who I am most thankful for always.
The last couple years of my life have been interesting, to say the least. Two years ago, I was aggressively applying and interviewing for youth director jobs at churches all over the country. I had found a passion for youth ministry and was ready to pursue it full-time. Since then, I've left the church and given up religion and faith almost completely. I still believe that God exists because I know my own faith was real and I see a similar faith in my friends and family, but, at this point in my life, I find I'm better off depending on myself and the people around me rather than my bedtime prayers.
It's a fascinating thing to lose your religion. Along with the personal change, there's the outside world having a perception of you that no longer exists. It's an awkward thing to tell someone that you don't go to church anymore or that you no longer have the faith you once had. For a long time, the church was my home and that's all changed. I'm not upset about it and I don't think another path that might have maintained my faith would have been the right one for me.
And because of the friends I have, I was able to stay somewhat sane throughout all of this. Even though they are so invested and involved in their respective churches, they talked with me when I was filled with rage and anger over something they love so dearly. They allowed me to be myself and not judge me for the choices I've made. For that, I am so thankful.
I was literally *this close* to moving hundreds or thousands of miles away two years ago to chase my passion. And the thing that didn't allow me to leave was my friends. It's a rare thing to find friends like this and I'm not giving that up.
So, to Tara, Leslie, Sally, Ashley, Erica, Amy, Lee, Zach, and my brother Jeff, thank you. It's a privilege to call all of you friends.
______________________________
There are hundreds of you that I could thank for being there for me over the years, as well. If you're reading this, you're one of them. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
