Ngi ne themba.

1. I spoke my mind on an issue that might have gone overlooked otherwise at a meeting tonight. I spent the first 20+ years of my life being quiet, and I'm still quiet many times, but I've learned when to speak up. I kinda like the me I've turned in to.

2. The West Wing might be my favorite television show. Over the last several years, I have watched the series from start to finish a couple times, and I'm currently beginning season four. I know they're fictional characters, but this show gives me hope that there are politicians worth looking up to, that have the best interest of the American public at heart, and that are genuine, good people.

3. Sometimes I wonder if I've taken a strong and open stand towards a liberal agenda because it's what I truly believe or because the conservative right has driven me to it. I know I believe everything I preach, but I fear I have become driven by the fight instead of the passion. There are days when I feel that isn't true, but there are some that I do and that bothers me.

4. Why am I awake at 2:24am? And why am I not very tired? I couldn't tell you the last time I was in bed and asleep before midnight. I'm sure it was only eight or nine days ago, but I can't recall the occasion. My Dad would tell me, "You have your days and nights mixed up," and I'd shrug him off just like I did during my four years of college.

5. I've recently found a level of comfort in my job that I hadn't felt until now. I have always been comfortable at work in the sense of being relaxed and feeling like I belong. But until a few weeks ago, I hadn't felt like I was able to do my job, on my own, at a high level. Obviously, I still need help with many tasks and don't know how to do others, but I'm confident in finding a way to accomplish all of my tasks.

6. I've started running, again, in the past couple weeks. I say again because, in my few years in Nashville, I've started and stopped running at least three times. I'm hoping that this is the time it becomes a part of my normal routine.

7. I have hope.

False Evidence Appearing Real

During the recent weeks, the debate over the construction of Islamic community center in New York City has overwhelmed me. I argue that not allowing a group to build because of their religious beliefs is un-American. I argue that grouping all Muslims in with a tiny sect of Islamic Extremists is racist and prejudiced.

I argue.

During these discussions, these arguments, I try to keep a cool head. I try to preach the love of Jesus. I try to explain that even though these Islamic Extremists murdered 3,000 Americans nine years ago, and tried to murder many more, they do not represent the world of Islam. I try to explain that as Americans, we can not judge someone based on the culture of another country.

I try.

As I try to convince those on the other side of the debate that they're wrong, I hope I educate them. I hope I teach them that love is always better than hate. I hope I share the lessons Jesus taught us about praying for your enemies, having mercy on the merciful, and loving everyone the way we longed to be loved. I hope they listen.

I hope.

I understand both sides of the argument. I understand that the events of September 11, 2001 were unimaginable. I understand that the events of that day might shape the way the entire world works for the rest of my days. I understand that we have to respect and honor those who lost their lives that day.

But I don't understand.

I don't understand how some say we're putting the country first by going against the standards this country was founded on. I don't understand how Christians argue with such hatred. I don't understand why we think Muslims are here to take over our society. I don't understand why we're afraid. I don't understand why.

Why are we afraid?

I'm fearful that this country is being divided over one of the bases of its beginnings. Almost 400 years ago, a group of English men and women boarded a boat and crossed the Atlantic. They risked their lives because they were being so harshly persecuted for their religious believes. And now here we are, half of the country telling an entire religion they aren't welcome on the same land those Pilgrims sought out.

It's not right.

I've never taken such a passionate stance on a political issue before now. For once in my life, my fear has driven me to action instead of inaction. I have a small voice in this world, but if I don't use it to fight for those in need, I'm the oppressor. We're on this earth for only a short time, shouldn't we do all we can to make it a better place? Shouldn't we always love? Shouldn't we?

I won't give up...

...I hope you join me.

Blue skies smiling at me

I love my window office. I don't always love work, but I always love my window office. Having spent the first 13 months in an office secluded in the middle of a large building with nothing but blank walls to stare at, I appreciate my window office. Being able to look onto the streets of downtown Nashville and into the blues skies filled with white clouds makes each day a blessing. My window allows me to escape for a few moments each day; escape from my desk and the duties that come with it. It allows me to think about the things I want to think about: social justice issues, my place in the world, girls, and baseball (of course).

In the last few weeks, my mind has been everywhere. I can only assume this has been my quarter-life crisis, if moving to Nashville wasn't. I've been trying to figure out what I could do to both better myself and the world. I've considered finding a new job in Nashville, finding a job in Indiana and moving closer to home, and going to grad school in Vancouver, British Columbia. Each of these thoughts lasts for four or five days at at time, but while they're at the front of my mind it's all I can think about.

With my obsessive personality and awesome ability to over-think the most minute things, my mind never stops working. On Wednesday night, I finally found the quiet inside my mind. I went for a run in the park, knowing I needed the exercise, but also knowing I had to do something besides sit on the couch frustrated with my lack of forward progress in life. While running, I tuned out the music in my ears and tuned in the world around me. I realized that while I've been peeking over every fence I could find, I've missed the green, green grass below my feet. I realized that I'm happy.

Even I can't over-think that.

I have a lot to work on, but I'm getting there. I'm still looking for love, hoping for greater achievements at work, and always chasing success in all that I do, but I've understood that my place, for now, is in Nashville, Tennessee being happy. I have an amazing family, great friends, the best church I could ever hope for, an awesome group of youth to work with, and a window office.

You can't beat that.

_____________________________

I'd encourage you to take 45 minutes of your day and watch this sermon from the Rev. Dr. Tony Campolo. I was fortunate enough to hear it in person at the 2010 Presbyterian Youth Triennium in July. I've never heard a better sermon and I'm not sure I will. This gets me hype to change the world like nothing. Hope you like it as much as I do.

Rev. Dr. Tony Campolo - July 24, 2010 from Presbyterian Youth on Vimeo.