Too tired to sleep.

In church today, we reaffirmed our baptisms.  After the sermon (which was very good), the entire congregation stood, as they were able, and responded together to the traditional baptism ceremony questions.  Once we had affirmed our belief in God, Jesus the Christ, and the Holy Spirit, we were invited to the front of the church to touch the water in the baptismal font and, if we wished, touch or make the sign of the cross on our foreheads.

I must add here that for some reason I have always been very hesitant about things like this.  It's not that I don't want to do it, it's that I don't want to do it the wrong way.  Because I sit and watch each person before and after me do exactly what I just did, but in their own way, and then analyze it in my mind, I assume they are doing the same thing when I partake.  I know I shouldn't be this worried about others passing judgement on me, especially in church, but I am and always have been.

Watching those go before me this morning was different than any ceremony like this I've ever been apart of.  I've taken communion by intinction several times and been to many Ash Wednesday services or anointing, which are all performed in a similar fashion (the congregation goes to the front of the church and performs the act one by one, then returns to their seat).  This morning, it wasn't a rush to return to ones seat, after dipping a finger in the water, like it often seems.  This morning, it seemed like we really were all children being baptized.  Perhaps it was my own state of mind driving my perception, but it all seemed so calm and refreshing.

For the past 11 months, we've had a leak in the ceiling of our living room.  Our landlord has attempted to fix it on a few occasions to no avail.  About a month ago (it's been a long month), my brother and I returned home from work one rainy day to a constant stream of water coming from our ceiling and pooling about two feet from my sound system and television.  A few strategically placed trash cans and one harshly-toned e-mail later, we finally had real progress being done to fix the leak.  During this month, we've had many of the contents of our living room in our dining room in piles, which has made living in our apartment more difficult than normal.

This past week the holes the cut in our ceiling to find the source of the leak were filled and painted over.  Tomorrow morning, we're having our carpets cleaned.  By tomorrow night, I hope that our living room and dining room will be returned to their "normal" state.  We also had a new couch and chair delivered last week, so having new furniture amongst the mess only added to it.  Being able to arrange our furniture and set everything back in place tomorrow evening will probably take awhile, but it will be very rewarding to have our apartment back.

I spent most of the day Saturday at church helping to set-up for the youth group's carnival, silent auction, and talent show (all one large event) that were happening that evening.  It was a very long day spending more than nine hours at church, but a very fun day as well.  I have been working with the youth group here for almost a year now, but this weekend was the first event where I felt 100% comfortable with everything I was doing.  It takes a lot of time to get to know 20+ seventh through 12th graders.  This weekend was the first time I felt like I could ask any of them to help me, or any of the other leaders, and not feel uncomfortable doing so.

I hope this weekend stays fresh in my mind for many weekends to come.  It has been a very tiring weekend, but I'm almost too tired to sleep because of how excited I am for the days and weeks to come.  It has been a weekend where I've renewed my baptism and reaffirmed myself as a follower of God's only Son, Jesus.  It has been a weekend where I've (almost) got my apartment back and better than ever.  It has been a weekend where I've found a new church home here in Nashville.  I even genuinely rooted for Vanderbilt in their game against Tennessee today.

All of these thoughts come with a sense of guilt, like I'm turning my back on my church and youth group in Indiana and my Indiana State Sycamores, but if I don't realize that life moves on, I never will.  I love the youth I worked with in Indiana more than they know and I will come to love the youth I work with here more than they know, it comes with the territory.  I will always be a Sycamore and no one can ever take that from me.  And I will always be a Hoosier by birth, for the great state of Indiana is my home.

With those thoughts also comes great joy.  Two years ago I never would have fathomed moving away from home.  I am a better person for moving to Tennessee.  I am my own person because I moved to Tennessee.  I look forward for what's to come.  Thanks for reading.

-B

P.S. I'm reminded each year upon attending the Vandy/UT game that if, somehow, my children have southern accents, I will be giving them up for adoption.