Ngi ne themba.

1. I spoke my mind on an issue that might have gone overlooked otherwise at a meeting tonight. I spent the first 20+ years of my life being quiet, and I'm still quiet many times, but I've learned when to speak up. I kinda like the me I've turned in to.

2. The West Wing might be my favorite television show. Over the last several years, I have watched the series from start to finish a couple times, and I'm currently beginning season four. I know they're fictional characters, but this show gives me hope that there are politicians worth looking up to, that have the best interest of the American public at heart, and that are genuine, good people.

3. Sometimes I wonder if I've taken a strong and open stand towards a liberal agenda because it's what I truly believe or because the conservative right has driven me to it. I know I believe everything I preach, but I fear I have become driven by the fight instead of the passion. There are days when I feel that isn't true, but there are some that I do and that bothers me.

4. Why am I awake at 2:24am? And why am I not very tired? I couldn't tell you the last time I was in bed and asleep before midnight. I'm sure it was only eight or nine days ago, but I can't recall the occasion. My Dad would tell me, "You have your days and nights mixed up," and I'd shrug him off just like I did during my four years of college.

5. I've recently found a level of comfort in my job that I hadn't felt until now. I have always been comfortable at work in the sense of being relaxed and feeling like I belong. But until a few weeks ago, I hadn't felt like I was able to do my job, on my own, at a high level. Obviously, I still need help with many tasks and don't know how to do others, but I'm confident in finding a way to accomplish all of my tasks.

6. I've started running, again, in the past couple weeks. I say again because, in my few years in Nashville, I've started and stopped running at least three times. I'm hoping that this is the time it becomes a part of my normal routine.

7. I have hope.

False Evidence Appearing Real

During the recent weeks, the debate over the construction of Islamic community center in New York City has overwhelmed me. I argue that not allowing a group to build because of their religious beliefs is un-American. I argue that grouping all Muslims in with a tiny sect of Islamic Extremists is racist and prejudiced.

I argue.

During these discussions, these arguments, I try to keep a cool head. I try to preach the love of Jesus. I try to explain that even though these Islamic Extremists murdered 3,000 Americans nine years ago, and tried to murder many more, they do not represent the world of Islam. I try to explain that as Americans, we can not judge someone based on the culture of another country.

I try.

As I try to convince those on the other side of the debate that they're wrong, I hope I educate them. I hope I teach them that love is always better than hate. I hope I share the lessons Jesus taught us about praying for your enemies, having mercy on the merciful, and loving everyone the way we longed to be loved. I hope they listen.

I hope.

I understand both sides of the argument. I understand that the events of September 11, 2001 were unimaginable. I understand that the events of that day might shape the way the entire world works for the rest of my days. I understand that we have to respect and honor those who lost their lives that day.

But I don't understand.

I don't understand how some say we're putting the country first by going against the standards this country was founded on. I don't understand how Christians argue with such hatred. I don't understand why we think Muslims are here to take over our society. I don't understand why we're afraid. I don't understand why.

Why are we afraid?

I'm fearful that this country is being divided over one of the bases of its beginnings. Almost 400 years ago, a group of English men and women boarded a boat and crossed the Atlantic. They risked their lives because they were being so harshly persecuted for their religious believes. And now here we are, half of the country telling an entire religion they aren't welcome on the same land those Pilgrims sought out.

It's not right.

I've never taken such a passionate stance on a political issue before now. For once in my life, my fear has driven me to action instead of inaction. I have a small voice in this world, but if I don't use it to fight for those in need, I'm the oppressor. We're on this earth for only a short time, shouldn't we do all we can to make it a better place? Shouldn't we always love? Shouldn't we?

I won't give up...

...I hope you join me.

Blue skies smiling at me

I love my window office. I don't always love work, but I always love my window office. Having spent the first 13 months in an office secluded in the middle of a large building with nothing but blank walls to stare at, I appreciate my window office. Being able to look onto the streets of downtown Nashville and into the blues skies filled with white clouds makes each day a blessing. My window allows me to escape for a few moments each day; escape from my desk and the duties that come with it. It allows me to think about the things I want to think about: social justice issues, my place in the world, girls, and baseball (of course).

In the last few weeks, my mind has been everywhere. I can only assume this has been my quarter-life crisis, if moving to Nashville wasn't. I've been trying to figure out what I could do to both better myself and the world. I've considered finding a new job in Nashville, finding a job in Indiana and moving closer to home, and going to grad school in Vancouver, British Columbia. Each of these thoughts lasts for four or five days at at time, but while they're at the front of my mind it's all I can think about.

With my obsessive personality and awesome ability to over-think the most minute things, my mind never stops working. On Wednesday night, I finally found the quiet inside my mind. I went for a run in the park, knowing I needed the exercise, but also knowing I had to do something besides sit on the couch frustrated with my lack of forward progress in life. While running, I tuned out the music in my ears and tuned in the world around me. I realized that while I've been peeking over every fence I could find, I've missed the green, green grass below my feet. I realized that I'm happy.

Even I can't over-think that.

I have a lot to work on, but I'm getting there. I'm still looking for love, hoping for greater achievements at work, and always chasing success in all that I do, but I've understood that my place, for now, is in Nashville, Tennessee being happy. I have an amazing family, great friends, the best church I could ever hope for, an awesome group of youth to work with, and a window office.

You can't beat that.

_____________________________

I'd encourage you to take 45 minutes of your day and watch this sermon from the Rev. Dr. Tony Campolo. I was fortunate enough to hear it in person at the 2010 Presbyterian Youth Triennium in July. I've never heard a better sermon and I'm not sure I will. This gets me hype to change the world like nothing. Hope you like it as much as I do.

Rev. Dr. Tony Campolo - July 24, 2010 from Presbyterian Youth on Vimeo.

You down with BRC? Yeah, you know me

The words below are from Bruce Reyes-Chow, former Moderator of the General Assembly of the Presbyterian Church USA, in his speech at a Prop 8 Verdict Rally in San Francisco. I might not have chosen such strong words, but the moment we stop being radical is the moment we stop being Christian...

I know that many of my people have influenced this particular journey in non-positive ways. I stand before you also confessing for the Christian church for too many times in our words and actions have created pain and violence. I stand before you confessing for those who have proclaimed a message of Biblical literalism and cultural narrow-mindedness that has oppressed rather than liberated. I stand before you at this time to confess for far too many of us well meaning straight allies who have not spoken out for justice that we need to step out now more than ever.

This is a time of great celebration. This is a time when Christians around the world who will continue to push for justice must come out and stand, stand long and advocate the message of God to those Biblical literalists who have poisoned our understanding of marriage, sexuality and love. We will no long stand and allow the message of hope, compassion, justice and love to be drowned out by the screams of hatred, oppression and injustice. We will no longer stand and see our friends, our family, our congregations members and strangers be denied the same civil rights that so many of us have been granted for a life time.

There is a time that we must each embrace our call to speak out, act out of our place of privilege, risk our power, our authority, our comfort and assure that justice, compassion and love prevail.

This is such a time. This is now.

Thank you and God bless.

Herculez! Herculez! Herculez!

Before the World Cup started, I told myself that this was going to mark the time that I would become a soccer fan. It might be hard to get into things past being able to root for my country, but in two weeks I have learned more about the game and its players than I ever knew before. I'm in a fantasy league, in which I'm barely losing to a friend from Chile, and watching four or five matches every weekend. I took half a day off work today so I could watch the American match.

Today's match was one of the most exciting sports moments I've ever seen. The Cubs winning the 2003 NLDS against the Braves, Indiana State almost winning the 2005 Missouri Valley Women's Basketball Tournament, and Indiana State beating the eighth ranked Indiana Hoosiers in men's basketball are probably the three moments of my life that rank above today's soccer match. The day the Cubs win the World Series will top all of these, they're my first love, but today's match was exceptional.

There are hundreds of videos online from bars & groups of people watching the match this morning and celebrating Landon Donovan's goal, all of which still excite me more than they should. I was chatting with my friend Aston during the match today and the transcript is fairly hilarious. Mom, I'm sorry for cursing, but this was exciting as hell and you know how much I love sports and winning:

B: i'm almost shaking w/ anxiety
A: my heart is pounding
A: we are gonna freaking get screwed
A: this sucks
B: 6 or 7 minutes maybe to score
A: not gonna happen
B: you gotta believe
A: its tough
A: it just sucks how bad we got screwed
B: waht is that yellow for?
A: hah ano clue
B: yellllllllllllllllll
A: OH MY GOOOOOOOODDDD
A: HOLY FUCKING SHIt
A: i just had a heart attack
B: i can't even type the write words i want to
B: holy shit
A: un fucking believable
A: I am shaking
B: me too
B: and yelling and pmping my fist a lot
B: holy fuck
A: I am in utter shock
A: we better stop them
A: we gotta stop them
A: damn it I cant get on twitter

I was so excited that all I could type was "yellllllllllll," which I now find hilarious. All I can remember is the goal going in, hitting keys to acknowledge the score, and jumping off the couch and screaming as loudly as I could, followed by a series of fist pumps that Snooki would have been proud of.

Sports breathe life into me like nothing else can. They make me curse like I never do, they make me scream and yell with emotion that I show in very few other areas of like. Losing is one of my least favorite things in the world and winning is my absolute favorite thing in the world. Some have told me that I'm obsessed with sports; I haven't accepted that fact yet. All I know is I'm going to keep rooting for my boys on US Soccer for the rest of my life.

And for those of you who still say soccer is boring and will never be popular in the United States, you might want to consider changing your mind. I'm still amped with emotion from this morning's victory. I hope you'll join the club.

As I told my mom on the phone tonight, today was a good day.

Let's get 'em on Saturday, USA.

If fear hasn't killed me yet, then nothing will

A town.

The rains started and, seemingly, never stopped. It rained for more than 30 hours. And now, Nashville is under water. Jeff and I are safe and sound, never losing power or cable television all weekend. But there are many in the community who have not been as lucky. Tens of thousands went without power, thousands were evacuated from their homes, and hundreds had to be rescued by boats to avoid the rising waters.

The waters will recede, homes will be repaired and rebuilt, and Nashville will recover. The items destroyed, cars, homes, and a tragic number of people, will be missed, but never forgotten. We'll remember that weekend in May of 2010 that the town flooded, but we'll also remember helping our friends and neighbors stay dry and safe.

A church.

The sanctuary of Second Presbyterian burned in 2003. Just weeks before, a new pastor had been called to serve at Second. That pastor would rebuild not only the sanctuary, but the church. Second is everything the Presbyterian Church is not: we're young and growing. I wish all churches could witness the strong leadership that Second has; it is a truly amazing church.

Several weeks ago, our senior pastor announced he was leaving to be closer to his family in California. The news was shocking to everyone. We had come to love and respect Jim more than we knew. But because we are such a young and strong-willed church, we will go on just as Jim would want us to. We'll remember his strong faith and his desire to serve the local community and fight for social justice for all, but we'll also remember him as our friend.

A man.

Annie and I had never met, but we got each other. We were "introduced" by a mutual friend on Twitter (ahhhh the 21st Century...) and from there, it went. We talked daily, most days more than once, for almost two months. We discussed music, movies, politics, food, sports, relationships, family, and probably any other topic you could think of. Many nights, we'd end up discussing our fears; it seemed to be a topic we both thought of a lot. And most of those nights would end with Annie calling me on my shit, telling me to live life unafraid to fail, regardless how bad I might hate it. For those two months we talked, I was more of the man I strive to be than I've ever been before.

I haven't talked to Annie for two months. Even though we had never met, I allowed myself to fall for her. It wasn't what either of us needed, especially her, and caused our friendship to end. I hate that I think about her most days, but it's hard not to. I remember Annie's ability to take life as it comes, her willingness to face her fears, but mostly I remember her willingness to help me face my own fears.

A town, a church, and a man.

All three have been changed by something that is no longer there, but we're (hopefully) better for it because we have the knowledge gained. The people of Nashville will appreciate what they have, including their lives, knowing it could be swept away. The people at Second Presbyterian will continue to serve the community, using the tools Jim passed on to us through his leadership. And as for me, I have the lessons Annie taught me.

______________________________

I've been sitting on this blog idea for at least a month. I've started writing it at least three other times, never being able to find the words that matched the sentiment they contain. I was also hesitant to write about my personal feelings, not knowing who reads this. But if I can't blog about me liking a girl on the internet so that the whole world can read it, then what can I do?

I'm truly blessed to live in the town I do, attend the church I attend, and have the friends I have. Things might not always go as planned, but we survive because we have hope. What we each individually hope for is different, but we also hope for things on larger scales. Tonight, Nashville hopes the floods recede and we're able to resume "normal" life, Second Presbyterian is thankful the flood damage was minimal, and I am thankful for all that I have been given.

"Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing." -James 1:2-4

TGIF

1. It was dark and rainy all morning and now the sky is blue, the clouds are white, and the sun is shining. Hello, weekend!

2. I saw a two-car funeral procession go down 8th Ave. today. That made a little sad.

3. I'm excited to see Starlin Castro play for the Cubs at some point this season. We haven't had a young played promoted like this since Felix Pie. I'm hoping things go differently with Starlin.

4. And how cool a name is Starlin Castro?

5. This tweet from Keith Law cracked me up: "Carlos Gomez" is a Spanish phrase meaning "Willie Mays Hayes." (If you know baseball, it's funny.)

6. The Beatles & Wu-Tang mash-up album is amazing.

7. 99.99% of girls don't and never will understand sports.

8. I could name specific examples for #7, but that'd be rude.

9. Evan Turner's 40ft buzzer beater today is why March Madness is amazing.

10. The only thing better than Turner's shot was Thad Matta (Ohio St's coach) running towards the Michigan bench, pumping his fist, and yelling, "THAT'S WHAT I'M MOTHER FUCKING TALKING ABOUT!!!"

11. I'm sorry for cursing in my blog, Mommy.

12. Scouts have said the ball coming off Jason Heyward's bat sounds like a young Ken Griffey, Jr. or Albert Pujols. That's scary.

13. Can you tell I like baseball just a little bit?

14. And can you tell it's 3:30 on a Friday afternoon?

15. I started running again this week. It's a slow and steady process for me and my friend Asthma.

16. The SEC tournament being in Nashville has made traffic crazy. The only thing better than driving in a city of Southerner's is adding 30,000 more Southerner's for the weekend.

17. I had 8th row tickets to the John Mayer show in Louisville tomorrow and sold them to make a little cash. I kinda wish I going now that the weekend is approaching.

18. I'm not sure I'll ever hear the word "situation" the same after watching Jersey Shore.

19. I think I tweeted half the stuff I'm thinking of to say, but you're gonna read it anyways, so who cares?

20. I bought The Wire box set this week. I have only seen season one prior to this purchase, but the library was taking way too long to get season two to me; I couldn't wait any longer. I hope I love it.

21. I'm making it a point to try and read more books. When I say more, than means read books in general. I read the Kite Runner and it was great. Now the only problem is I'm four issues behind on ESPN the Magazine.

22. "Daughters" on the John Mayer trio album makes me angry. That song is so tragically over-played and that version is so tragically bad.

23. "Funny what seven days can change. A stand up n*#@$@. Now, you sit down to aim," might be my favorite Jay-Z lyric. Not because it's poetic or thought-provoking, but because anything involving a guy sitting down to pee is funny.

24. I have to go to the bathroom.